Hey, It’s been a long time coming, but I’ve figured out what my next blog will be though I haven’t named it yet. I’m going to be blogging about my Fellowship and the next chapter in my life that’s going to start this summer in Manhattan! Whoo hoo!

Actually I’ll take suggestions on the name. As for the start date. Look for me to start posting on May 1st. See ya then.

Observation Point, Zion National Park, UT

I didn’t realize it had been ten days since my last yoga practice and post until a friend pointed out the date to me.  I wasn’t even sure of that until I checked my cell phone just now.  One day turned into two, which snowballed into ten.  Ironically my yoga mat has been laying wide open on the floor in my living room and I just keep maneuvering around it.

I should read Consequences II again; it wasn’t an optimistic post as I recall.  I think I decided that since all the work I’d put into this could be rolled back in such a short period of time, it wasn’t worth doing anymore.  Childish and reactionary, I know.

I didn’t plan to stop doing this project.  It just kinda happened.  I meant to start back after the 2nd day, but I didn’t and it became less and less important.  It didn’t even tug at me.  Kinda like the last time you kiss someone, sometimes you don’t realize it’s the last kiss until all of a sudden a lot of time has gone by.

This may very well be the final post; but then again, maybe not.  It’s fair to say, though, that the spell, the magic has been broken.  On February 27, 2009 a thought flashed across my mind to do five minutes of yoga and a one line blog post every day for a year starting on March 1st.  With  a few exceptions I did that and then some until January 13, 2010.  Not quite a year, but not too bad either.

It’s more than served its purpose and beyond.  I meant it to alter the trajectory of my health and fitness and that’s certainly been accomplished.  My once painful shoulder is now completely healed.  My once gimpy ankle is much stronger.  My eating habits are a lot healthier than they were and almost all the weight that I’d gained over the holidays is actually miraculously gone.  All that worry for nothing.

Even my freshly deep-conditioned hair is healthier and my skin is starting to look better than it has in ages.   I also truly know myself as a disciplined person now, which has served me well as I balance graduate school, work and life.  I’ve made friends and developed new dimensions in older relationships.  That interplay has been the most surprising, fun and fulfilling aspect.

I’m not clear where this will lead next, but I’m certainly not done with yoga and maybe not with blogging either.  Perhaps I knew that the time to transition was coming and started to get a glimpse of the new world over the horizon.  Perhaps I got off the trail too soon.  But it’s done.  What I was doing for the last few weeks lacked real integrity and I knew it.  What’s next is yet to be clearly defined.

I’ll let you know, one way or another as soon as I do.  Thanks for joining me along the way.  It’s meant a great deal more than I could adequately express.

Photo by: Andrew Freeberg

A month of phoning in my yoga practice is starting to show.  I’m getting sloppy around the gut and my eating has not returned to previous healthy norms.  Also, remember my super hero level bladder control – gone.  :(

Tonight, I almost didn’t do yoga at all.   I got my period again for like the twelfth time in the last 3 months and I feel like a big, bloated, shiny-faced tub-o….which makes me want to eat more sugar.  :(

I did do a bit of Ripley’s YfB practice, but let the record show that 15 minutes of yoga a day makes a much bigger difference than 6-12 minutes of easy yoga a day.

Peace Out.

"A Sun Flower" by Grace. Courtesy of the blogger's private collection.

The artwork in this post is from the 2nd Grade class at Copper King Elementary School. This was the sweet part of a tiring day. My 12 minutes of yoga tonight felt like needed respite. I felt like some of my frayed edges were smoothed out by taking the time to be still, dwell and stretch.

"You Rock So Much" by Kennady. Courtesy of the blogger's private collection.

Portraity by Kayleigh. Courtesy of the blogger's private collection.

Portrait by: Faith L, courtesy of the private collection of the blogger.

Cardinals Wide Receiver Larry Fitzgerald. Photo by: Chris Morrison/US Presswire

My purple mat is still open on the floor of my living room from last night appearing to beckon as if I’ve yet to do yoga. So after walking by it for the umpteenth time, I decided to come back here and write this post and the next time (or two) that I pass by it, I’ll roll it up and put it in the closet where it belongs.

Peace y’all…and how ’bout them Arizona Cardinals…any peace and calm I’d gained from my yoga practice was completely destroyed by that nail-biter of a game tonight.

African Sunrise

The shortest version I can manage is that the source of my whole life of want, struggle, anger and frustration in the area of relationships became crystal clear today in distinguishing the conversation that has been running my life, unbeknownst to me. That conversation, which has provided the default backdrop, context if you will, for all my thoughts and actions is “What’s wrong with me?”

And the more I accomplished and the more I was acknowledged, the more persistent the question was. “What’s wrong with me?” that if I’m so great, I never get asked out; I haven’t had a date since the Bush administration and I never get hit on by anyone with a full set of teeth, I’ve never been in a long-term relationship, engaged, etc meanwhile toothless, angry, dumb heifers date, fall in love, have sex and get married repeatedly. What more could I possibly do or be? You may also hear the flip-side of this question, which is “what’s wrong with them?” Either I’m too good for them or they’re too good for me.

I felt like I’d put in a yeoman’s effort to become catch-worthy and resented any advice to try to change this or that or what have you. It all got heard through the filter “there’s something wrong with me…still.” The experience was infuriating and made me feel sad, pissed off and hopeless that I’d ever have any power in this one area.

Today, in distinguishing the background conversation or unanswerable question I can see it as a made up story or point of view that it is rather than the “unfortunate truth” about me. And in getting that, I have a new found freedom to just be myself and be open and available to people. I feel like there’s a whole new world available to me, where I don’t have to fix, change or improve one more thing about myself.

I can let my guard down enough to let someone in, because I’m not afraid they’ll figure out what’s wrong with me and high tail it in the other direction before I can either attempt to hide or fix it. As a result, I’m also no longer afraid to admit to myself or declare to the world that this is the year that I’m going to meet, fall in love and be in a committed romantic relationship the man of my dreams…and he’s gonna adore me just the way I am, both the yin and the yang of me.

…So what does this have to do with yoga…I don’t know, but it was what was on my mind and what I wanted to share after my deeply relaxing Jeff practice tonight.

I’m supposed to go to his class in 9 hours and jah see an’ kno’ seh mi no wan go. I’m actually a little afraid I’m too rusty from my lax month of practicing to keep up. But I guess that’s just the another angle of the point of view, which is a fear that I don’t have what it takes. So, I’ll ignore that fear and make sure I take myself and my new yoga mat to Tempe tomorrow morning.

Six pounds. Old me probably would be dramatically disappointed in myself for taking a step backwards. Current me…not so much. Which is not to say I wasn’t scared to get on the scale, but I thought it’d be worse, so six pounds seems pretty good to me.

Plus, the conditions that had me put on half a pants size are gone and I’m not about to recreate them. My regularly scheduled programming doesn’t include three different kinds of dessert laying around the house and 24hr buffets. Plus my normal eating habits really have changed. Ergo, I fret not.

Heck, it’s barely noon fifteen and I’ve already done 15 minutes with guru Jeff and have scheduled to do the final class of the pkg this Sunday before the playoffs.

I got a feelin’ whoo hoo….2010′s gonna be a great year.

Photo by: Jennie Rehbinder

Practice tonight was familiar cast of poses and a very relaxing ending in savasana, which I skip way too often. I could feel my body subtly realigning itself into what was probably straightness, but felt unfamiliar and crooked. I still want to skip it everyday, but thankfully it’s a good habit that I’ve grown accustomed to doing.